Category Archives: Uncategorized

A hastily written rubbish topical poem reflecting on the Labour leadership contest

No rich teas, digestives or bourbons Will enter the gullet of Corbyn.   Can a man with no taste for a hob nob Be a real  candidate for the top job?   Will a typical British elector Cast a vote for a biscuit … Continue reading

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Why the Keith Vaz game?

I first became aware of Keith Vaz after the fatwa. I was working on an essay for my O Grade Religious Studies class on The Satanic Verses when the story reached a new level. Protestors in England, accompanied by the … Continue reading

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A brexiter’s love song

Old Tom Newton Dunn, old Tom Newton Dunn Furnish’d and burnish’d by bright Wapping sun. The strenuous efforts at mendacity Of The Sun front pages set you against me. His initial reactions, so full of joy, The people have spoken, … Continue reading

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For Jeremy is a decent man

For many months we have been assured by those who know a Labour leader who has performed more poorly in the opinion polls than any post-war Labour leader at an equivalent stage of their tenure that he is a decent … Continue reading

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A hastily written vaguely topical poem on the Brexit #usepens

“Don’t use pencils,” they started to blubber, “Because the state has a giant rubber. They’ll erase the votes. They must think we’re thick. So when you head to vote, best take a Bic.” But strangely enough that the nation’s spies … Continue reading

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Did Michael Gove’s father’s business fail?

In interviews explaining his reasoning for feeling strongly about the European Union Michael Gove has referred to his father’s fish business, E E Gove and Sons, a wholesale fish merchant and curer, being badly affected by European fisheries policy. Mr … Continue reading

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Ach, to hell with it – on not engaging with the referendum

I have not really engaged with the referendum campaign. I feel angered that a short term political fix thought up by a bloke who can’t see more than one move ahead on the political chessboard, and which he appears never … Continue reading

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The EU referendum campaign – an in depth critique

                                                It’s a bit rubbish isn’t it?                     … Continue reading

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on being anti-social

You are standing having a conversation – awkwardly on the sidelines, yes, and stooping to hear while worrying that your stammer might reappear as you try to shape words, but still, having a conversation – and you are not looking … Continue reading

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A man. A plan. An offshore scheme. Panama.

Let me begin with a confession. I have for twenty five years been a Guardian reader. It started when someone passed a copy around at a party, and after reading Nancy Banks Smith I was hooked. They knew what they … Continue reading

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Mistur Taggurt, they wur thu droppins o a gigantic dug

  “A dinnae ken whae ye are. A dinnae ken whit ye want. If ye’re lookin fur a ransum tae pay fur yur dug’s microchip a can tell ye a dinnae hae cash. But whit I hae are a verra particuler … Continue reading

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The albums that defined my teenage years

They say that the things you listen to as a teenager determine your listening habits for life. (I don’t know who “they” are, to be honest, but it seems the sort of thing that people who say they like listening … Continue reading

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Project Pollyanna

There is a risk to most things in life. Earlier today I wandered round to the local butcher. I crossed three roads on the way there, three on the way back. Each time I contemplated the possibility of being mown … Continue reading

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The EU referendum, John Longworth and the British Chambers of Commerce

If you head an apolitical organisation that publicly takes a neutral position on a major political issue then when questioned by the media – as a representative of your members – you should not take a political position. So, during the … Continue reading

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Please sign my petition banning referendum poetry

  I’ve had the call to launch my mission So started up an e-petition Its object honest, pure, and good To save us all, each neighbourhood, From tortured metre, inept verse, Fractured similes and worse Prepared intending to deceive Supporting … Continue reading

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On the early appearance of EU referendum poetry

Tortured non-arguments hidden in verse Are things to which most normal folk are averse. So Leave or Remain camps you know what to do Destroy every stanza mentioning  EU. ‘cos each inept poem, causes such distress Do mankind a favour and quietly … Continue reading

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Loss and absence

When the news broke I turned to my wife. “have you seen?” I said, my voice hushed. She covered her eyes, nodded. I held her. We could do little else. At times like this we need support, the warmth of … Continue reading

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The Jeremy Corbyn story that nobody wanted to publish

It is a great pleasure today to write about the Jeremy Corbyn celebrity tour of Slade prison – known as #JC4PM@SLADE – which the media has failed to cover. I want people to know about the existence of the tour, and … Continue reading

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It Happened One Night

Our phone was at the bottom of the stairs on a little wooden cabinet; sitting squat, cream, a cord of ringlets connecting the receiver. Standard GPO Mayfair style? In my head, yes. In my head it’s still our old phone, … Continue reading

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Reflections on the resignation of a man who writes in a newspaper from a political party: a personal response

                                                                          Yeah, they’re screwed … Continue reading

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