Category Archives: Uncategorized

Trigger

It can be innocuous. A tone of voice. A word. A touch. A smell. It can be more overt. Descriptions. News stories. But the effect of both can be the same. That in one instant you are moved, transported, experiencing … Continue reading

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I don’t have the word

Three, four months ago you sit in your office, a book open on the desk, next to it a set of photocopies and print outs ready to be scrawled on. You are meant to be preparing for tomorrow. A few … Continue reading

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Some personal posts

This post just gathers together links to some personal posts. It will be updated over time.   desert island discs Desert Island Discs – I Desert Island Discs – II Desert Island Discs – III Desert Island Discs – IV … Continue reading

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be kind to yourself

– So this week? – I was at the GP again. And at hospital. I’m off, still off.  Another month. Too long. It’s bothering me. There are people having to step in and cover stuff and they’re stretched already and … Continue reading

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The Appointment – II

– It started last year. I was on a train. The GP described it as a – – well, it seemed too dramatic. I thought it was too dramatic, too strong. But as it’s gone on, I think he was … Continue reading

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The appointment – I

I arrive early at the hospital unit, half an hour early. I’d taken the train, walked to the offices, worrying I’d be late. The building was nondescript, a bungalow amidst other bungalows. There’s a security intercom. I buzz, give my … Continue reading

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Weinstein

It is about power. It is about asserting that power and making the person the power is asserted against feel weak, whether that weakness is physical or emotional. And the attacker, the (let’s call him what he is) abuser, he … Continue reading

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National poetry day

There came a point where you reached a stage of self-awareness as you read the poetry that you scribbled on A4 narrow feint lined notepads, the words spidering halfway along each line, those words scrawled in the half light, those … Continue reading

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Writing

She gives you a pad of paper. – There’s a pen if you You have your own. The ink flows easier from your rollerball. – We’ve discussed writing. You’re half listening now. You know. You’d tried. Sat down and tried. Have … Continue reading

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The Spielvogel moment

and so twenty minutes or so into our sixth meeting I said to her, – I realise what I’ve been doing. I’ve been talking about not talking. When I’ve talked about her, and our weekly chats, and that night when … Continue reading

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Talking again

You ramble. You know what you want to say but you ramble, avoid it. Talking is difficult. Talking about talking is difficult. It is hard work. And so you distract. A bit about work, about now, about the past. And … Continue reading

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Talking

She sits in front of the window. She always sits in front of the window. The curtains are open, and while the entrance to the gravel driveway leading to the building sits on a main road the view from the … Continue reading

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EXCLUSIVE: No actual leak measures up to the ideal leak for which I yearn

It’s the middle of the night (again) and I’m back into bed from a relaxing leak. I’m not prepared to say which leak of the night because the problems between bearded Booker prize winning novelists and their prostates are not … Continue reading

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Desert Island Discs – IV

“…and your fourth record?” I could check when the radio repeats took place, but it feels like cheating. I’d heard Hancock before but I’m not sure how or when. There had been cassettes at the library I’m sure, the old … Continue reading

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Thought for the day

Earlier today while I was still crying after telling the stranger I had first met twenty five minutes before about the bodies as I sat in the room and felt myself simultaneously elsewhere hearing and smelling and seeing the covered … Continue reading

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Desert Island Discs – III

“…and your third record?” Some people think I don’t like music. That’s not quite true. I listen to it, occasionally. But it is not central to my life in the way it is for others. I can go for weeks, … Continue reading

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Desert Island Discs – II

“…and your second record?” I wasn’t planning to choose this, but thinking about the first choice sent me towards this. At school I worked on Saturdays and one or two nights a week in a small shop. Weekends were spent … Continue reading

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Desert Island Discs – I

The Desert Island Discs list: plenty of us have one, ready to go, just in case the call arrives, “We’ve run out of celebrities, and famous scientists, and diplomats, and broadcasters, and authors, and artists, and musicians, and most of … Continue reading

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The questionnaire

Male 35 – 44 Yes Yes 3 No No No Yes, in January No Although recommended by the GP no No No No 10 No No-one Yes, 20 Yes No No Yes The aftermath of the disaster Sometimes Sometimes Once, … Continue reading

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Beginning

It’s an old house, big, looming behind a large hedge, at the end of a gravel drive. Each footstep crunches. A shadow appears behind the door, opening it as I reach for the doorbell. We exchange introductions. She knows my … Continue reading

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