Author Archives: loveandgarbage

About loveandgarbage

I watch the telly and read when not doing law stuff and plugging my decade and a half old unwatched Edinburgh fringe show.

You know what? The hat really is a secondary issue

  hat hat hat filtered hat hat altered hat tinted background hat hat hat filtered red hat fisherman’s hat red hat tit for tat hat hat red hat hat hat red red tint background filter hat hat red hat hat … Continue reading

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A sensory four dimensional jigsaw

another week same day same time same room same chair we chat – and how was this week? same questions same chair same room left hand behind my head, scratch my right ear, tell: good days, bad days; restful nights, … Continue reading

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Schrodinger smiles

You are present. Wholly present. Here. You know that. Aware that only minutes ago you were conscious of sitting on the hard backed chair, your feet grounded, the draught at the window, the tripod supporting the light bar. But you … Continue reading

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The memory dump

It does not end when the lights stop. It does not end when the rhythm of inhaling and exhaling has calmed. It does not end when you open your eyes. You’d been told, of course. Warned. But it is still … Continue reading

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The third session

I move to the other chair in front of the tripod. After she adjust the tripod and switches on the light she hands me two pads. She sits to my left, file open, pen poised. The two lights in the … Continue reading

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Today it begins

The light bar is on the floor when you enter the room. The length of a fluorescent office light it sits on a tripod. And although you both move to our usual place you remain aware of it. Today it … Continue reading

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Hiatus

Over the past few weeks I have been touched by some very kind comments through this blog or through twitter regarding my recent posts, and so this is a placeholder to reassure my regular reader that my upcoming absence from … Continue reading

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The Appointment – III

– and with the anniversary soon do you do anything? – No. I spoke to my mum about it the other day. There have been some documentaries repeated, but I. Well. There are times where it’s like a moth to … Continue reading

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Trigger

It can be innocuous. A tone of voice. A word. A touch. A smell. It can be more overt. Descriptions. News stories. But the effect of both can be the same. That in one instant you are moved, transported, experiencing … Continue reading

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I don’t have the word

Three, four months ago you sit in your office, a book open on the desk, next to it a set of photocopies and print outs ready to be scrawled on. You are meant to be preparing for tomorrow. A few … Continue reading

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Some personal posts

This post gathers together links to some personal posts about the trauma related depression I have been suffering from. Continue reading

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be kind to yourself

– So this week? – I was at the GP again. And at hospital. I’m off, still off.  Another month. Too long. It’s bothering me. There are people having to step in and cover stuff and they’re stretched already and … Continue reading

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The Appointment – II

– It started last year. I was on a train. The GP described it as a – – well, it seemed too dramatic. I thought it was too dramatic, too strong. But as it’s gone on, I think he was … Continue reading

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The appointment – I

I arrive early at the hospital unit, half an hour early. I’d taken the train, walked to the offices, worrying I’d be late. The building was nondescript, a bungalow amidst other bungalows. There’s a security intercom. I buzz, give my … Continue reading

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Weinstein

It is about power. It is about asserting that power and making the person the power is asserted against feel weak, whether that weakness is physical or emotional. And the attacker, the (let’s call him what he is) abuser, he … Continue reading

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National poetry day

There came a point where you reached a stage of self-awareness as you read the poetry that you scribbled on A4 narrow feint lined notepads, the words spidering halfway along each line, those words scrawled in the half light, those … Continue reading

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Writing

She gives you a pad of paper. – There’s a pen if you You have your own. The ink flows easier from your rollerball. – We’ve discussed writing. You’re half listening now. You know. You’d tried. Sat down and tried. Have … Continue reading

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The Spielvogel moment

and so twenty minutes or so into our sixth meeting I said to her, – I realise what I’ve been doing. I’ve been talking about not talking. When I’ve talked about her, and our weekly chats, and that night when … Continue reading

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Talking again

You ramble. You know what you want to say but you ramble, avoid it. Talking is difficult. Talking about talking is difficult. It is hard work. And so you distract. A bit about work, about now, about the past. And … Continue reading

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Talking

She sits in front of the window. She always sits in front of the window. The curtains are open, and while the entrance to the gravel driveway leading to the building sits on a main road the view from the … Continue reading

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