Author Archives: loveandgarbage

About loveandgarbage

I watch the telly and read when not doing law stuff and plugging my decade and a half old unwatched Edinburgh fringe show.

Conversation before the light work

– – – when I started this, when I went to the counsellor, I wanted it all to vanish. If I’d had a switch and I could have flicked it and erased everything up here and in here I would … Continue reading

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it

they laughed you heard them laugh you heard them laugh downstairs and as you heard the laughter that night it was there it was there in your room, large, dark it forced its way in – snarling you lay – … Continue reading

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“the barrister interrupted and queried why she was using the term “You” instead of “I”.”

The report of the conduct surrounding the trial of the rugby players is horrible in various ways. Others will comment on other aspects but for me one line stood out. “the barrister interrupted and queried why she was using the … Continue reading

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Days of the hedgehog

Same day. Same time. Same place. I sit. She opens the file, asks about the week. – The last session was upsetting. It’s hard to. You see things had been progressing. I’d felt things were progressing. I was going through … Continue reading

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Dream

EMDR has knock on effects. Sometimes there are intrusive memories during the week between sessions – things you covered in the session, things you did not. This week there have been dreams. I do not usually remember dreams. But as … Continue reading

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You know what? The hat really is a secondary issue

  hat hat hat filtered hat hat altered hat tinted background hat hat hat filtered red hat fisherman’s hat red hat tit for tat hat hat red hat hat hat red red tint background filter hat hat red hat hat … Continue reading

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A sensory four dimensional jigsaw

another week same day same time same room same chair we chat – and how was this week? same questions same chair same room left hand behind my head, scratch my right ear, tell: good days, bad days; restful nights, … Continue reading

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Schrodinger smiles

You are present. Wholly present. Here. You know that. Aware that only minutes ago you were conscious of sitting on the hard backed chair, your feet grounded, the draught at the window, the tripod supporting the light bar. But you … Continue reading

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The memory dump

It does not end when the lights stop. It does not end when the rhythm of inhaling and exhaling has calmed. It does not end when you open your eyes. You’d been told, of course. Warned. But it is still … Continue reading

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The third session

I move to the other chair in front of the tripod. After she adjust the tripod and switches on the light she hands me two pads. She sits to my left, file open, pen poised. The two lights in the … Continue reading

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Today it begins

The light bar is on the floor when you enter the room. The length of a fluorescent office light it sits on a tripod. And although you both move to our usual place you remain aware of it. Today it … Continue reading

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Hiatus

Over the past few weeks I have been touched by some very kind comments through this blog or through twitter regarding my recent posts, and so this is a placeholder to reassure my regular reader that my upcoming absence from … Continue reading

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The Appointment – III

– and with the anniversary soon do you do anything? – No. I spoke to my mum about it the other day. There have been some documentaries repeated, but I. Well. There are times where it’s like a moth to … Continue reading

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Trigger

It can be innocuous. A tone of voice. A word. A touch. A smell. It can be more overt. Descriptions. News stories. But the effect of both can be the same. That in one instant you are moved, transported, experiencing … Continue reading

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I don’t have the word

Three, four months ago you sit in your office, a book open on the desk, next to it a set of photocopies and print outs ready to be scrawled on. You are meant to be preparing for tomorrow. A few … Continue reading

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Some personal posts

This post just gathers together links to some personal posts. It will be updated over time.       Mental health Memories remembered Train trip Silence Before talking  I don’t have the word Beginning The questionnaire Thought for the day … Continue reading

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be kind to yourself

– So this week? – I was at the GP again. And at hospital. I’m off, still off.  Another month. Too long. It’s bothering me. There are people having to step in and cover stuff and they’re stretched already and … Continue reading

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The Appointment – II

– It started last year. I was on a train. The GP described it as a – – well, it seemed too dramatic. I thought it was too dramatic, too strong. But as it’s gone on, I think he was … Continue reading

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The appointment – I

I arrive early at the hospital unit, half an hour early. I’d taken the train, walked to the offices, worrying I’d be late. The building was nondescript, a bungalow amidst other bungalows. There’s a security intercom. I buzz, give my … Continue reading

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Weinstein

It is about power. It is about asserting that power and making the person the power is asserted against feel weak, whether that weakness is physical or emotional. And the attacker, the (let’s call him what he is) abuser, he … Continue reading

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