another week
same day
same time
same room
same chair
we chat
– and how was this week?
same questions
same chair
same room
left hand behind my head, scratch my right ear, tell:
good days, bad days; restful nights, restless nights; walks, train trips
She stops me.
Change. Notes a change.
Analyse.
same chair
Rationalise.
same room
Look back at the week.
same questions
Discuss memories, insights from this week:
fragments – instants from last session – sounds – smells – sights – a full sensory four dimensional jigsaw puzzle – no memory dump, no oddities
She stops me.
Change. Notes a change.
Rationalise.
same room
Analyse.
same chair
– Are you ready?
Nods.
swap chair
move chair
new chair
same chair
same room
same light bar
same buzzers
same chair
– Bring up the event.
same event
– What do you notice?
same question
same event
eyes narrowed, tell:
sensing – seeing, eyes right, eyes left – describe
She stops me.
– You seem a little later now.
Yes. Later. Moved from anticipation.
Change. Notes a change.
Sensing – hearing, smelling – describe
She stops me.
– It seems more vivid. Clearer.
Yes. Clearer. Fragments slotting together.
Change. Notes a change.
– What emotions do you feel?
Fear. Upset. Fear. Pain. Fear. Guilt. Fear. Shame. Fear. Anxiety. Fear.
describe
– And how distressing is this on a scale of one to ten?
tell
Change. Notes a change.
– And where do you feel this on your body?
Tension in my shoulders, and upper arms. I circle my neck left, pull my chin to my chest. Tension in my calves. Tension in my thighs. Mouth dry. Tension in my shoulders. I circle my neck right, pull my chin to my chest. Chest. Tightness in my chest. Knot in my gut.
describe
– Bring up the event.
I do. I am there. Reliving. Outside watching. I am there. I am here.
Lights start.
Buzzers start.
to right to left to right to left to right to left to right to left to
Buzzers stop.
Lights stop.
– What do you notice?
Sensing – seeing, eyes right, eyes left – smelling – hearing – feeling. Then. Feeling. Now.
describe
– Notice that.
Lights start.
Buzzers start.
to right to left to right to left to right to left to right to left to
Buzzers stop.
Lights stop.
– What do you notice?
Sensing – seeing, eyes right, eyes left – smelling – hearing – feeling. Then. Feeling. Now.
describe
– Notice that.
Lights start.
Buzzers start.
to right to left to right to left to right to left to right to left to
Buzzers stop.
Lights stop.
– What do you notice?
Sensing – seeing, eyes right, eyes left – smelling – hearing – feeling. Then. Feeling. Now.
describe
– Notice that.
Lights.
Buzzers.
Start.
Stop.
Notice.
Describe.
Again.
Again.
Circles neck.
Pulls chin to chest.
Again.
Start.
Stop.
Again.
Tears.
Same event.
Same tears.
– We’ll stop there.
Breathing. Slow. Inhale through the nose. Exhale through the mouth. Again. Breathing. Same breathing. Grounding – feeling the chair – feeling the ground – feeling the room.
Same room.
Same chair.
– We’ll just round up.
Swap chair.
New chair.
Old chair.
Same chair.
– You’re doing well. There are changes in your feedback. It’s going well. It’s hard, but you’re doing well.
Fragments slotting together.
describe
Analyse.
Fragmented memories joining. A four dimensional jigsaw. The edges are done. A beginning. A muddle. An end. Fitting. It’s fitting.
There are questions.
– New insights bring questions. Some of them might clear up.
We chat.
We check diaries, make new appointments.
Same time.
Same day.
Another week.
It seems like trying to understand a film if you only have a few random stills.
It takes so much courage to go through this. Even more to share it with us.
Thank you.
With love
Chris
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