A sensory four dimensional jigsaw

another week

same day

same time

same room

same chair

we chat

– and how was this week?

same questions

same chair

same room

left hand behind my head, scratch my right ear, tell:

good days, bad days; restful nights, restless nights; walks, train trips

She stops me.

Change. Notes a change.

Analyse.

same chair

Rationalise.

same room

Look back at the week.

same questions

Discuss memories, insights from this week:

fragments – instants from last session – sounds – smells – sights – a full sensory four dimensional jigsaw puzzle – no memory dump, no oddities

She stops me.

Change. Notes a change.

Rationalise.

same room

Analyse.

same chair

– Are you ready?

Nods.

swap chair

move chair

new chair

same chair

same room

same light bar

same buzzers

same chair

– Bring up the event.

same event

– What do you notice?

same question

same event

eyes narrowed, tell:  

sensing – seeing, eyes right, eyes left – describe

She stops me.

– You seem a little later now.

Yes. Later. Moved from anticipation.

Change. Notes a change.

Sensing – hearing, smelling – describe

She stops me.

– It seems more vivid. Clearer.

Yes. Clearer. Fragments slotting together.

Change. Notes a change.

– What emotions do you feel?

Fear. Upset. Fear. Pain. Fear. Guilt. Fear. Shame. Fear. Anxiety. Fear.

describe

– And how distressing is this on a scale of one to ten?

tell

Change. Notes a change.

– And where do you feel this on your body?

Tension in my shoulders, and upper arms. I circle my neck left, pull my chin to my chest. Tension in my calves. Tension in my thighs. Mouth dry. Tension in my shoulders. I circle my neck right, pull my chin to my chest. Chest. Tightness in my chest. Knot in my gut.

describe

– Bring up the event.

I do. I am there. Reliving. Outside watching. I am there. I am here.

Lights start.

Buzzers start.

to right to left to right to left to right to left to right to left to

Buzzers stop.

Lights stop.

– What do you notice?

Sensing – seeing, eyes right, eyes left – smelling – hearing – feeling. Then. Feeling. Now.

describe

– Notice that.

Lights start.

Buzzers start.

to right to left to right to left to right to left to right to left to

Buzzers stop.

Lights stop.

– What do you notice?

Sensing – seeing, eyes right, eyes left – smelling – hearing – feeling. Then. Feeling. Now.

describe

– Notice that.

Lights start.

Buzzers start.

to right to left to right to left to right to left to right to left to

Buzzers stop.

Lights stop.

– What do you notice?

Sensing – seeing, eyes right, eyes left – smelling – hearing – feeling. Then. Feeling. Now.

describe

– Notice that.

Lights.

Buzzers.

Start.

Stop.

Notice.

Describe.

Again.

Again.

Circles neck.

Pulls chin to chest.

Again.

Start.

Stop.

Again.

Tears.

Same event.

Same tears.

– We’ll stop there.

Breathing. Slow. Inhale through the nose. Exhale through the mouth. Again. Breathing. Same breathing. Grounding – feeling the chair – feeling the ground – feeling the room.

Same room.

Same chair.

– We’ll just round up.

Swap chair.

New chair.

Old chair.

Same chair.

– You’re doing well. There are changes in your feedback. It’s going well. It’s hard, but you’re doing well.

Fragments slotting together.

describe

Analyse.

Fragmented memories joining. A four dimensional jigsaw. The edges are done. A beginning. A muddle. An end. Fitting. It’s fitting.

There are questions.

– New insights bring questions. Some of them might clear up.

We chat.

We check diaries, make new appointments.

Same time.

Same day.

Another week.

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About loveandgarbage

I watch the telly and read when not doing law stuff and plugging my decade and a half old unwatched Edinburgh fringe show.
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2 Responses to A sensory four dimensional jigsaw

  1. Chris says:

    It seems like trying to understand a film if you only have a few random stills.

    It takes so much courage to go through this. Even more to share it with us.

    Thank you.

    With love

    Chris

  2. Pingback: Some personal posts | Love and Garbage – some commonplace musings

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