10.58 am – The wind has died down. Grateful children and their parents run into the streets to greet the sun. They weep.
10.32 am – Have recovered stuff from the garden. It was like a garden out there. Like a garden filled with stuff.
9.45 am – saw a trampoline prowling outside. It looks shifty.
9.39 am – Glasgow police are warning the public about trampolines. The bastards. Coming over here. Stealing our gardens.
9.31 am – The clouds part briefly. We are showered in sunlight. And heavy rain obviously.
9.22 am – Tree outside is bending and straining, like a celebrity doing a dance in the early weeks of Strictly.
9.08 am – had a look in back garden. Shed blown over, doors off, debri everywhere. Which is nice.
9.02 am – While out I saw a trampoline nesting in a tree. I thought they migrated before the really bad weather.
8.59 am – Been out. Taken kids to school. Bloody hell.
8.46 am – All Scottish train services are suspended.
8.45 am – Sod it. remembered there is a trampoline next door. Luckily we have a big fence between the houses.
8.39 am – Daylight. A scene of devastation outside as the wind continues to blow. A crisp packet blows past the window. It is green. In the past we would have thought that it was cheese and onion. Today, due to Walkers and their disrespect for traditional colours of crisp packets, it might be salt and vinegar. This crisp packet is indicative of everything that is wrong with modern Britain.
8.19 am – Apparently Glasgow Central station is being evacuated because it’s windy there too and the glass roof has smashed. I am watching chairs shuffle around the garden.
8.09 am – The sky is now a dark grey as we await sunrise. The back garden is strewn with children’s stuff, chairs, and a table. I’d guess that means the shed has blown over.
8.01 am – It’s still dark. And it’s wet. And it’s windy. I’m staying in.
7.51 am – What a horrible sodding day.
7.50 am – there is a stream of water in the middle of the road outside the house. It reflects the street lights, rippling and breaking up as the wind increases.
7.43 am -Bet the Guardian wished they had a liveblog on whether it was windy outside, but as the south east is unaffected I guess they’re not bothering.
7.27 am – The wind blowing through the nearby houses and trees is creating echoes that sound like the ravenous bugblatter beast of Traal. Too dark to check whether it is the ravenous bugblatter beast.
7.13 am – Still dark. And windy.
6.57 am – Aye, still windy. The lamp post outside the house is swaying like a lamp post being buffeted by a 70 mile per hour gust.
6.42 am – Still windy. It is making the groaning sounds of a grumpy uncle relaxing on your couch after visiting on Boxing Night after he has spent the afternoon in the pub.
6.28 am – Yep. Windy.
6.15 am – Dark out. And windy.
6 am – woken up by the wind. I think this indicates that it is windy outside. Begin live-blog to assess whether it is windy outside?