Police today issued a warning to politicians that so many have climbed aboard the “React to Hilary Mantel’s five and a half thousand word lecture delivered two weeks ago that has only just been splashed in the media after being printed in a literary magazine last week although we have not read the piece and have only picked up one or two choice extracts from a story in a tabloid paper whose readers we are trying to court” bandwagon that public safety has been compromised.
A senior police officer said,
“Ordinarily when there is a passing bandwagon only a small number of politicians leap on and there is no danger of the bandwagon toppling over and crushing them in a pointless and futile tragedy. However, with the interventions of the Prime Minister and the leader of the opposition – who have jumped aboard despite appearing to have no awareness of the dangers that lurk beneath a Mantel piece – there is now a danger that the bandwagon will overturn pummeling their stupid skulls into a mush. However, they may also injure other roadusers in the vicinity – and that won’t do.
“In such circumstances we in the police recommend that politicians should avoid bandwagon jumping and instead indulge in a knee-jerk response. If the knee is jerked hard enough the only potential danger is that the foot will kick the politician in his own face. And frankly, that’s not going to bother anyone. And it might help tidy up the gene pool.”