Paul Gambaccini, veteran disc jockey and instant pop obituarist, is this morning being sought by police as they investigate the death of disco queen Donna Summer.
A police spokesman said, “As with all recent deaths of people involved in the making or performance of popular music Mr Gambaccini has turned over a tidy profit by hopping from radio station to television station and back again offering heart warming anecdotes. We believe that following his last bout of instant paid-for obituarising in response to the death of cheeky Monkee Davy Jones Gambaccini indulged in a spending spree – mainly acquiring bananas, carpet cleaner, and DVD box sets of American television programmes no longer available to view on terrestrial television. The money having run out it was necessary that another pop celebrity he could be contacted about to give a heart-warming anecdote about how he was playing their music only the other day while offering an instant response asserting the importance of their role in the development of a musical genre (in this case electronic dance music) had to go. Sadly, this time it was the woman Sir Reginald Dwight refers to as the “queen of disco”. The modus operandi is all too familiar to those that have been pursuing this investigation for some time. The public will have seen Mr Gambaccini on all rolling news networks and will have heard him on every radio station last night or this morning. We urge you not to approach him, particularly if you have ever had any involvement in the music industry. In fact, it is best not to approach him if you have ever played any musical instrument (down to the humble maraca or triangle in a school band) or sang in public. If you see a television station that Mr Gambaccini is not on, or a radio station he has not appeared on, please contact us immediately. The likelihood is that he will be there in minutes and we can arrange for officers to be in attendance to try to bring this reign of pop terror to an end.”