Stable lad faces stringent and severe SFA door closing following bolted horse incident

The Scottish Football Association has this evening confirmed that it has initiated stringent and severe door closing at a stable in Glasgow belonging to Craig Whyte, a former disqualified company director and stable lad.

Although Mr Whyte’s horse left the premises and was last seen in the hands of a team of vets (who had previously advised Mr Whyte on his horse sense) the SFA has today confirmed that Mr Whyte’s doors will be closed as a result of his failure to tell the SFA prior to the bolting of the horse that his stable doors were open.

An SFA spokesman said, “Mr Whyte assured us in a letter that his stable doors were closed but after watching the Scottish news every bloody night for what seems an eternity it appears that the reporters have been going on about his horse roaming the streets and suggesting that Mr Whyte’s horse had been placed in the hands of vets to euthanise. As these reports were confirmed by a detailed and substantial enquiry carried out for us by a man watching the television we can today confirm that we have called for Mr Whyte’s stable doors to be closed. This is the most severe and stringent action available to the SFA. We do not close stable doors lightly. Oh no. We give them a bloody good shove. Our shove is so strong that sometimes the door bounces back open and more horses escape. But that won’t be a problem this time because Mr Whyte’s horse is dead.”

About loveandgarbage

I watch the telly and read when not doing law stuff and plugging my decade and a half old unwatched Edinburgh fringe show.
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5 Responses to Stable lad faces stringent and severe SFA door closing following bolted horse incident

  1. John O'Neill says:

    Excellent funny satire. Private Eye eat your heart out.

  2. Carntyne says:

    After following Rangers ups and (mostly) downs for what seems forever, it is a joy to have a bloody good belly laugh.

    Many thanks.

    I’ll be keeping an eye on this blog.

  3. Very good! That is a quite brilliant summary of the SFA’s approach to running Scottish football.
    The line about “a detailed and substantial enquiry carried out for us by a man watching the television” hits the nail squarely on the head.

  4. david cecil says:

    Dear Sir
    In a cruel twist the horse in question twitched quite violently at the weekend, only adding a glimmer of false hope to those saddened by its recent demise. Another of the stable hands was seen with his face contorted by emotion at the thought that the light of this mighty beast was perhaps not yet extinguished. Little did he realise that the aforementioned SFA had furnished one if its vets, a Mr Calum Murray (have I not heard the name Murray mentioned in conection with the horse before?), with electrodes designed to give the appearance of life just for one more day. I’d heard a rumour the that vets looking after it were keen for this to happen as they are (allegedly) involved in some sort of scam to sell the dead carcass to a group of gullible individuals who think it is still alive.

  5. Pingback: Blog posts from 2012 | Love and Garbage – some commonplace musings

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