Following a series of interviews carried out by Paul Gambaccini on British media outlets this morning, ageing singer and prospective British Eurovision entrant, Engelbert Humperdinck, has been placed under 24 hour protection by police with emergency medical treatment on stand-by.
Gambaccini praised Humperdinck in a series of warm-hearted anecdotes mentioning that time he stopped the Beatles getting to number one, the Vegas years, and a big concert in eastern Europe, leading to fears that Humperdinck had died suddenly yesterday. On discovering that Humperdinck was still alive, and mindful of Gambaccini’s modus operandi, police have decided to place Humperdinck under constant surveillance.
“it’s for his own good,” an officer said. “We need to stop this Gambaccini dead pop star menace once and for all. By the way, would you journalists mind coming out for a drink with me? I’ll put it on the Met credit card. You can have what you like.”