I am delighted to announce that the super soaraway N E W Love and garbage on Sunday blog will hit the blogstands next week. After catching a glimpse of the vast piles of unsold copies of the new Sun Sunday in my local newsagents I see a clear gap in the market for a new Sunday publication with an independent agenda (and no articles by Toby Young).
In your new super sensational Love and garbage on Sunday I can guarantee:
- No payments to policemen for stories. I’ll make the stories up same as usual – mainly by ripping off stories from other places and putting a slight slant on them while claiming they’re satirical.
- No corruption of public figures. I will have nothing to do with public figures other than tirelessly ask them how they pronounce “scone”.
- No phone hacking for spurious stories about celebrities. I will rely on the old faithful approach of ironically commenting on celebrity stories from other sources in order to maintain my integrity.
- No columns by politicians welcoming me as a new voice that the country needs and not a single mention of the dear leader’s new best friend Rupert.
- No embarrassing semiclad people in pictures with political commentary appended.
- NO Toby Young. I’d like to make this absolutely clear.
- No self-proclaimed “world” exclusives for stories that the citizens of other parts of the world aren’t really interested in.
This will guarantee a new softer more attractive voice on the blog stands on a Sunday.
Your support is crucial to this endeavour. And for the foreseeable future the loquacious and lovely Love and Garbage on Sunday will retail at your local blog stand at a sensational 0 pence. That’s right. 0 PENCE.