Two recent immigrants to the UK (referred to as TT and YG) have today submitted statements to the Leveson Inquiry following a complaint about press intrusion into their privacy in the past couple of days. TT and YG have only recently arrived in the country but have been hounded by the media. Neither TT or YG has sought publicity but were innocent bysitters in a box with airholes in a battle for tedious and dull rolling news coverage.
The evidence of both TT and YG have been leaked to this blog. As I am outwith the jurisdiction of the courts in London I have decided to reveal exclusively excerpts from their witness statement.
Passages have been redacted to protect their privacy.
The statement from TT narrates,
“There was I sitting in a box after a lengthy flight minding my own business when these bloody paps started taking pics. I went to the window of the box to have a look out and to tell them all to bugger off but snap snap snap on they went. It’s a bloody outrage. And then we were subject to people repeating again and again a joke that after our arrival in Scotland there were more [redacted] than Conservative MPs. I mean you hear one joker making that joke and you have a wry grin, when you hear hundreds of them all thinking they’re the first to come up with it you just want to curl up in a corner of your box and go to sleep.
“Of course, how the hell can you sleep when some joker shouts “Colin, where is the [redacted]?”
“As we were making our way to our new home, our two minders and the doc told us that we should really co-operate with the press. “they can only make your life difficult if you don’t” they said. “They’ll be setting up hidden cameras in your love tunnel trying to catch a glimpse of you at it, before a splash over the front pages”
“And then the doc told us that if we didn’t co-operate with a quick smile and wave, while brandishing a bit of bamboo, he’d heard that [redacted] from the [redacted] group of newspapers was going to run a story saying that we were typical immigrants who the moment we arrived in this country were given free transport, a home, and food.
” So, anyhow, they’re still there outside our home, filling pages of their newspapers and showing rolling coverage on their news channels. You’d think there was nothing happening in the world while these clowns are obsessed with a paid of bloody [redacted] and the hope that during a three day period next year we might have a quick [redacted]. Well, they can [redacted] right off and start covering proper news.
“If they start going through my [redacted] bins though there’s no way I’ll be appearing to sing or do impressions at [redacted]’s kid’s birthday party. That [redacted] can just [redacted] with a [redacted]”