I am delighted to confirm that – following recommendations from the shadow culture secretary – the new blog licensing scheme is being trialed here at loveandgarbage towers.
The new licensing scheme operates with a theory test, and a practical test. The theory test asks the blogger to consider a variety of situations where multiple choice answers are offered. I have some sample questions.
1. Your blog readership is down. How do you improve it?
A – How would I be able to tell that my blog readership was down?
B – I would reprint a news story from a foreign media source, fail to attribute it with any link, and adding occasional comments in red type to suggest this was my own story
C – I would write a post containing the words naked, celebrity, and photos.
D – I would hastily put together something about the pronunciation of a word commonly pronounced in more than one way – like quark.
E – I would set up a collaborative blog and blame my co-authors for the falling readership.
2. If you use a pseudonym and are asked to appear on a news show to discuss blogging, what do you do?
A – decline. I write for pleasure and don’t want the publicity.
B – decline. I write for the publicity, but I don’t want to be grilled by someone on the telly.
C – accept, but only if I am allowed to appear in silhouette in a room full of helium to disguise my voice, despite the fact everybody knows who I am.
D – agree, but only on condition that you regularly appear “reviewing” the papers (allowing you to choose any old crap to peddle the political or socio-economic view you witter on about on your blog for a substantially bigger audience).
E – write a blog post about being offered a spot on a news programme.
Once the theoretical test is complete one will have to complete a practical test, where you are required to quickly write blog posts on a variety of topical news stories. In accordance with traditional blogging practice speed will be prioritised over accuracy, and extra kudos will be given for links to your friends (which you will fully expect to be reciprocated) in order to manipulate your ratings in spurious algorithm based blog rating systems, and pointless on-line polls.
I will keep you updated on how things progress.