Thaw live-blog

After the stunning success of the “is there snow outside?” live-blog given the temperature has increased to 0 degrees Celsius now seems the appropriate time to begin a thaw based live-blog. Like the previous blog it will ask the crucial question “is there snow outside?” throughout the day.

Friday 10th December 2010

9.21 am – To be funny comedy has to be real. Consider this. An imaginary person walks along an imaginary snow covered pavement where the imaginary snow is thawing slightly leaving a thin imaginary layer of imaginary water on the imaginary compacted imaginary snow and imaginary ice. The imaginary person falls into an imaginary pile of snow and emerges with an imaginary mouth filled with imaginary snow. That is not funny. But when Kirsty did it outside just now, it was hilarious.

8.52 am – I daren’t look outside. The Norwegian weather maps are showing a temperature of 8degrees Celsius here; the Met Office a lowly 2 degrees. But both are above zero. I ease open the curtains. There is still snow outside but less of it. The enormous pile in front of the house is now only the height of my spouse. The icicles have gone, and I appear to have some form of vegetation in front of the house. I see leaves. Perhaps we can eat them.

Thursday 9th December 2010

8.29 pm – Twitched curtains. Still snow out there. A road clearly visible between the large mounds of snow. Am worried that this is a sign of some sort. Close curtains again.

5.41 pm – There is still snow outside. Hundreds of it. I am going to close the curtains again.

4.02 pm – There is still snow outside but the tree opposite has lost its white shadow. Roll on next week’s sub-zero temperatures.

3.14 pm – There is still snow outside but a passing squirrel woken from hibernation by the sudden balmy temperatures has caused a stir in the household.

2.23 pm – There is still snow outside and the temperature has dropped a little. A small droplet of water trapped for the past two weeks in the Arctic conditions briefly escaped before being caught again in an ice-related incident.

1.27 pm – Appears black stuff is tar, a surface used for roads. How exciting. A small horseless vehicle containing 3 men has just arrived too. The men leapt out and started piling some red snad-like stuff next to the road on top of a large pile of snow. How helpful. By the way, there is still snow outside.

11.54 am – There is still snow outside, but I can see some black stuff on the ground between the enormous piles of snow. A horseless chariot has tried to move on it. I will investigate and report later.

11.11 am – There is still snow outside. Perhaps I’m expecting things to happen too quickly. Maybe I should shut the curtains for a while.

10.59 am – Jodrell Bank has a crack team of investigators on it. They’ll get back to me. Meanwhile there is still snow outside.

10.55 am – Yes, there is still snow outside but there is fiery ball in the sky. It seems to give off some sort of warmth. If you excuse me I am off to call Jodrell Bank.

10.52 am – Yes, there is still snow outside, and icicles. But a block of snow has just dropped past the window. Was it a small scampy child throwing a snow ball or is it starting to fall off the roof?

10.47 am – Yes, there is still snow outside. And bloody big icicles.

10.46 am – I begin this live-blog with no little trepidation. Others have gone before, venturing into the dark world of the thaw. But few have intended to blog in a comprehensive manner regularly from the centre of a thaw. Let me be your guide. So as I head to the curtains (closed to maintain that crucial element of surprise) I ask the important question: “Is there snow outside?”

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About loveandgarbage

I watch the telly and read when not doing law stuff and plugging my decade and a half old unwatched Edinburgh fringe show.
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