BREAKING NEWS: Man and women decide to do something in a few months

Correspondents lined up in London’s central London today to report from in front of a fence outside a big house that a man and a woman had reached an agreement and decided to do something next year. The man and woman, who were in a different big house elsewhere in London’s central London, agreed to decide to do the thing a few weeks ago – but only told news correspondents today that they had agreed that they were going to do the thing in a few months. A team of thousands of reporters liveblogged from the event and spoke to cameras and on microphones confirming that the thing will happen in London, but there are no details as to when or where it will happen in London.

However, in order to fill time journalists spoke to people who knew the man and the woman, people who had heard of the man and the woman, people who had decided to produce mugs or plates with pictures confirming that the man and the woman had agreed that they would decide to do something in a few months, people who were going to produce magazines containing interviews with the people who had decided to produce mugs or plates with pictures confirming that the man and the woman had agreed that they would decide to do something in a few months as well as “exclusive” pictures of the man and the woman – which could be found in other magazines or newspapers or on the internet or in children’s drawings in nurseries up and down the country, people who would buy the magazines containing interviews with the people who had decided to produce mugs or plates with pictures confirming that the man and the woman had agreed that they would decide to do something in a few months as well as “exclusive” pictures of the man and the woman – which could be found in other magazines or newspapers or on the internet or in children’s drawings in nurseries up and down the country, historians who have different views on what the man and woman should do when they decide to do the thing, retired journalists who remember the mother of the man and are trying to compare the woman to the mother of the man without attempting to suggest there is anything freudian going on – oh no , photographers, drivers of white fiats, shopkeepers, relatives of the man and the woman, journalists who have reported the news about the man and the woman agreeing that they will decide to do something in a few months earlier in the day, journalists who will be reporting the news about the man and the woman agreeing that they will decide to do something in a few months later on, politicians who have no strong feelings on the man and the woman agreeing that they will decide to do something in a few months but feel obliged to say something to imply that thyey are speaking on behalf of people, politicians who wish to reveal their strange sleeping habits of twenty nine years before suggesting that there is something deeply disturbing about the things they get excited about, and James Whittaker, former royal correspondent of the Daily Mirror.

Sadly, as a result of these exclusive interviews (copyright all television channels, radios, newspapers) there was no time for any other news relating to payments to the former Guantanamo detainees who alleged UK government complicity in torture, the financial crisis confronting the Eurozone that may lead to a Europe-wide bail-out of Ireland, or any analysis of the swingeing legal aid cuts in England  and Wales that will deny justice to any person that isn’t wealthy allowing the supine populace to rest easy.

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About loveandgarbage

I watch the telly and read when not doing law stuff and plugging my decade and a half old unwatched Edinburgh fringe show.
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7 Responses to BREAKING NEWS: Man and women decide to do something in a few months

  1. Angela says:

    Excellent! Well done!

  2. Pingback: Tweets that mention BREAKING NEWS: Man and women decide to do something in a few months | Love and Garbage – some commonplace musings -- Topsy.com

  3. A simple law student says:

    The supine populace were also spared news of the ending of the “Aimhigher” Student Access Scheme, and the pushing of its work onto individual, already cash-strapped, universities.

  4. bigrab says:

    “Man and women” decide to do something in a few months?

    Like father like son eh?

  5. Pingback: It’ll all be over by Christmas? – Scottish Roundup

  6. nmj says:

    Good post. The hysteria and sycophancy – esp by the BBC – over these two getting married is nauseating and excruciating! They should cover it only on the actual wedding day – if they must – and spare us from the vapid non-news that the leading up to the event is. But that is not likely.

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