The hedge incident: an update

My regular reader will be aware that over recent weeks I have been attempting to protect my privet life following a close encounter with a hedge, or some 15 hedges to be precise (some of which it is alleged I paid to bump into – as if I, as top whateverIam, would have to pay to bump into hedges when as I walk the frozen streets around my home some hedges virtually throw themselves at me). Anyway, after successfully taking out an injunction to prevent the publication of non-existent photographs of me bumping into hedges while unclothed while attempting to cope with the personal tragedy of my family and I suffering from a reduction in income from various sources who no longer wish to be associated with a hedge bumper it has come to my attention that this morning What Hedge – a specialist hedge magazine with a minimal circulation – has published a front cover picture of me, having pulled myself to my full height in front of a hedge, wearing only a hat last seen on Benny from Crossroads. This picture – which did not exist – was apparently taken some years ago although I have no recollection of it (because obviously it does not exist). What Hedge has also published a previously unreported interview with me from the mid 1990s where I apparently made a series of hedge related jokes, while remarking on the relative wealth of berries on holly bushes, and suggested that I was a big fan of Love on a Branch Line. I deny all of these squalid allegations. Let me not beat around the bush, but instead stand proud and beat off my critics with this plea: I accept that I have done some things wrong, but can yew look at your own personal life and say that you have not thought about bumping into a hedge in your heart. if you don’t respect my privacy, please at the very least respect the privacy of my wife and family. 

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About loveandgarbage

I watch the telly and read when not doing law stuff and plugging my decade and a half old unwatched Edinburgh fringe show.
This entry was posted in hedges, not golf, Uncategorized, woods. Bookmark the permalink.

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