The story so far…
Here in New Iceland things are set fair for a general election in the coming months. The great leader, Prudence the Presbyterian, having abolished boom and bust decided to reintroduce bust in order to make the election more interesting. His principal opponent is Just Call Me Dave. Just Call Me Dave now employs his own photographer – whose sole role is to prevent the fact that Dave is a facsimile reproduction cast from solid plastic and inhabited by an aspect of the Nestene Consciousness become apparent to the populace. To this end photographs are airbrushed to remove the worst excesses of the unnatural sheen, while placed against platitudes written by a baked potato (Do be early, don’t be late. Eat the food that’s on your plate) to persuade the New Icelandic population to vote for him (see the image here)
Well, Just Call Me Dave launched his election campaign a few days ago mouthing platitude after platitude to blanket media coverage (by blanket – I mean, coverage which makes me want to go to sleep). And he has pledged tax breaks for married couples because clearly those who stay together for the sake of the children (or for the sake of the money if this goes through) while creating an air of angst, tension and passive aggression that screws up their kids for the future are the most deserving of state support.
Prudence the Presbyterian’s loyal lieutenant, Darling, has found a hole in the financial proposals of Just Call Me Dave and Just Call Me Dave and his aide Boy George (fresh from an unsuccessful court case attempting to get him into the Big Bother house) say that there isn’t a proposal while both stick their tongues out at each other.
Across the way Cleggy, Foggy, Compo and friends have today launched their pre-election campaign with a tough interview from the former gameshow host and disc jockey that New Iceland’s radio rolling news channel insists on putting up as its main presenter (we await the arrival of the gymnast and the disgraced children’s TV presenter with much trepidation and gnashing of teeth). When asked what do you like about Prudence or Just, Cleggy replies that he’s not falling into a trap of talking about personalities – before saying how awful both their lots are.
In North New Iceland the great leader wee Eck – a rotund weeble of fun – complains that he isn’t allowed to talk to Cleggy, Prudence, and Just on specially arranged TV shows in the run up to the election. In order to increase his bargaining power with the media organisations and to garner some publicity in his local media he gives Prudence an ultimatum to do something about giving more powers to North New Iceland. While presented as an ultimatum his threat to tell people that Prudence didn’t give us new powers, seems to fall upon stoney ground and the ultimatum prompts no reaction from Cleggy, Just or Prudence.
Meanwhile, a nation yawns