Speaking about football today Scottish justice secretary Kenny MacAskill and his team of an infinte number of monkeys today proved that not only can the infinite number of monkeys write Hamlet, but also that the monkeys can generate a speech laden with cliches and mindless platitudes.
"Football can help bring people together " said MacAskill as he launced a tirade about football that will generate newspaper coverage and photographs tomorrow.
"Football has a unique appeal to people from all over the world – and Scotland is particularly passionate about the game. Our national side brings us all together, at the ground or around the TV set, cheering on our heroes. " he declaimed, waving his fist in the air in the style of BA Robertson during the recording of the 1982 Scotland World Cup squad song, "We have a dream" – infinitely superior in every way to the travesty of a recording issued for Children in Need in 2008.
"Our national sport can give rise to a range of emotions – the disappointment that comes with defeat can be as deep as the joy that goes with success." he opined, recalling his own days following the national team and ending up rather the worse for wear. Reflecting on this brush with the law he said, "But disappointment should never be translated into ill-feeling and violence on the streets following a game. Losing a game can never be an excuse for losing the heid."
At this his monkey cliche generator let out a collective giggle, delighted with the coining of what they hope to become a new cliche.
Returning to his theme, MacAskill proclaimed, "As a nation we are fitba’ crazy " before pausing for a beat and to a drumroll performed by the monkeys announced "- but that doesn’t mean we have to be fitba’ mad."
The monkeys then returned to Leith to place the speech on the Scottish government website.