First, be a member of a party that [froze] student maintenance grants [to the point of uselessness] and then years later have a child at University.
Second, employ child as researcher.
Third, pay over the odds for his services.
Fourth, don’t require him to do any work.
Fifth, submit claim to the state.
Sixth, wait for payment.
In the meantime set up a website but don’t actually give it any content. However, this is not a bad thing given your excellent local constituency party site which informs us
“Local Conservatives Working working hard “
(but not all of them obviously).
Edited to correct factual error pointed out by
ETA For the funniest take on the Conway business see Chris Paul – warning may contain spoilers for episodes of The Bill yet to be broadcast on UKTV Gold.