Via lots of people on LJ first posts and first lines of the month
January – The Damned Utd featured in the Observer – first line “Happy New Year” (I’m nothing if not a Scottish traditionalist – the post also contained black bun and a lump of coal (not true)). It’s a post about The Damned Utd appearing in a feature article in The Observer. A good Ronseal type title.
February – Crook advises how to be on a jury – first line “I have been sent the following video clip: advice on how to be a jury member by well known perjurer and philanthropist Lord Archer.” – in which I anticipate the horror that is TV’s The Verdict.
March – Fancy that: Labour council candidate blogs – first lines “The Labour party council candidates in Glasgow Kelvin have set up blogs. Each has an individual blog. Would you like to play SPOT THE DIFFERENCE?” pointing out that each candidate had an identical blog and initial blog entries.
April – The Scottish elections – first line “I have been away for a few days and returned home yesterday to the beginning of the Scottish election campaign.” – examining the launch of the Tory campaign where they proudly proclaimed they didn’t want to be in government.
May – Union day – “Happy birthday to the UK. I’ve somehow managed to avoid the street parties and general celebrations near me. Anything happening near you?” – which is complete as it stands.
June – Music and law news – first paragraph “Fans of compelling television programmes may remember a show from three or four years ago concerning the Bucks Fizz/David van Day (offoff Dollar) debacle. Part of one of these BBC shows that dealt with business intrigue (including the PDC/BDO world darts break-up) the sight of van Day flipping burgers in a van brought a tear of laughter to the eye.” – about the Nevadan law to outlaw fake bands
July – Russell’s big idea – Last of the Time Lords – first lines “A long time ago in a Whoniverse far far away Russell “Television” Davies revealed that the climax of the third new series of Doctor Who was going to something familiar to viewers of science fiction, but not to viewers of ordinary drama. I wondered what this could be. ” – a rant about the poor final episode of series three of Doctor Who.
August – Turn again young Lembit, be mayor of London – first line “Welsh MP and asteroid obsessive Lembit Opik is being touted as Lib Dem candidate for mayor of London.” about spurious news stories identifying Opik as the Lib Dem mayoral candidate.
September – No election says election supremo – first lines “Apparently, NuLab election supremo Douglaz with a z Alexander, the man who lost Scotland, has said that rumours of an early election are premature (although he did not rule out an election before the end of the year). This is clearly to allow Alexander time to complete his transformation into role model Liza Minelli. ” – self explanatory.
October – Unread meme – first lines “It’s that meme that folk are doing about books. These are apparently the top 100 “unread” books on Librarything.” – there follows a list where I identify what I’ve read and what I’ve not, among other things.
November – Jeremy Kyle and his bread and circuses – first lines “My regular reader will know that I have ongoing issues with Jeremy Kyle. So imagine my surprise to see a picture of the obnoxious individual on the front of today’s Independent next to the headline “Jeremy Kyle is a force for tolerance and morality”. A rant about Jeremy Kyle in response to a bizarre article by Johann Hari.
December – Smurfgate – first lines “NOTICE FROM NUMBER 10 DOWNING STREET PRESS OFFICE: The following post has been approved by Number 10 Downing Street and applies our usual policies. The [party political content], initially traced back to father Abraham’s hence Smurfgate, may claim a Scottish victim as [party political content] has accepted two [party political content] from [party political content]. Given the implications for Scottish politics a poll is in order. ” – on the Alexander donations scandal, after the Brown press conference where the transcript deleted all questions and answers on donations.