Dr Zaius condemns chimps

Minister for Science and defender of the faith Dr Zaius has today condemned the chimps who participated in a memory test with humans.

“Our participation in medical and intelligence tests with man is – as we all know – part of a series of complex tests to examine man’s responses and development.  

“At the instigation of my colleague Dr Zira a series of behavioural tests have been established across the planet.   And our participation in these tests reveals much of the nature of man.  In our fieldwork we have discovered that man is a nuisance. He eats up his food supply in the forest, then migrates to our green belts and ravages our crops.  And as a result at all times we must remain vigilant against the threat that is man.  For all over the planet man is wiping us out.   

“As it is written in our scripture, “We know that we must beware the beast man, for he is the Devil’s pawn. Alone among God’s primates, he kills for sport or lust or greed. He will murder his brother to possess his brother’s land. ”  

“Accordingly, when participating in laboratory tests with man we must not reveal too much, or the humans will take fright.  These chimps know that our plans to overthrow man and take over the earth are dependent on the key element of surprise,” an ashen faced Zaius told reporters. 

Beating University students in memory tests has revealed to the humans that our simian brothers have hidden depths.  I call on my simian brothers to shun man, to shun his tests, and to drive man back into his concrete lairs, for man is the harbinger of death.   The sooner manis exterminated, the better. It’s a question of simian survival.”

Spokesman for humanity, George Taylor, replied to Zaius,

“Take your stinking paws off me, you damned dirty ape!.”

Advertisements

About loveandgarbage

I watch the telly and read when not doing law stuff and plugging my decade and a half old unwatched Edinburgh fringe show.
This entry was posted in apes, news, Uncategorized. Bookmark the permalink.

3 Responses to Dr Zaius condemns chimps

  1. shaz_rte says:

    Anyone remember Not the Nine O’Clock News and Gerald? “Wild? I was livid!”

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s