Confidential memo leaked from government

From: Field Major Styre
To: The Boy Wonder

Subject: Stop and search in schools


Like you, and all right thinking people in Britain, I live in fear of the daily threat of international terrorism.  This is a threat of life-ending proportions.  But these terrorists are unlike those from the past.  They are fanatics, intent on destroying our basic freedoms – the freedom to have a fag in a pub, the freedom to have a free and fair democratic election, the freedom to walk through the streets monitored by CCTV at every step, and the freedom to hold a small plastic card that gives access to all information the state hold on individuals in one easy to digest form.  And these fanatics have slipped into society.  They live in our towns.  They live in our streets.  They may live in your street, Alan.  Next door.  Do you know what your neighbours do late a night?  When you hear a sound outside how can you be sure that it is the cat or the man next door taking something out to the bins?  How do you know that it isn’t a plot, a gathering of these fanatics planning to infringe our society?  How do you know Alan that the flour and weedkiller you saw the neighbours taking in the other day wasn’t for nefarious purposes?  How do you know that it won’t be used to make bombs? They might have knives, Alan.  Knives with which your neighbours could stab your loved ones.  And they’d think nothing of it, letting your loved ones fall in a bloody heap to the floor.  They’re fanatics.  No respecters of the human rights of you and your family.  But these fanatics are supported by the courts that say, Alan, we can’t simply lock up your neighbours because they’re suspicious.  The courts say that the human rights of your neighbours, these prospective terrorists, must be protected, must be prioritised at the expense of good right thinking hard-working families.  Well, I say no.

These fanatics are at work at every level of our society.  From the oldest to the youngest.  Now how should we deal with this?  You’ll be aware that a conspiracy of Hampstead liberals and so-called intellectuals have decided that our anti-terrorist laws are too severe; that our new proposals (to stop and search and to stop and question anyone that the police like, anyone that you or I may find suspicious) infringe basic civil liberties.  Again, the liberals believe that basic protection of decent people is an affront to their human rights.  To deal with this we must capture the hearts and minds of the young.  We must get them used to the idea that stop and search is normal, that when a figure in authority stops you on any spurious basis – because you’re the wrong colour, because you’re wearing the wrong clothes, because you question -that this is normal.  We must convince them that this is acceptable.

Accordingly, I am pleased to record the support of what is left of my department (the part that cares for right thinking people) for your new proposals.  

Yours aye


About loveandgarbage

I watch the telly and read when not doing law stuff and plugging my decade and a half old unwatched Edinburgh fringe show.
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1 Response to Confidential memo leaked from government

  1. pigeonhed says:

    From: Education Secretary
    In order to facilitate these new proposals we will ensure that sufficient paperwork is required for each search that teachers will have no opportunity for invidious acts such as imparting knowledge to potentially immpressionable members of society.

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