Yesterday saw Gorgeous George return to Scotland to fondly recall his joint arrests with the Tomster. Such talk interests Inspector Yates, head of the perjury investigation. Ah, this man has form of being in trouble with the law. What can they mean?
“You barricaded my house in Glasgow when sheriff’s officers were coming to break my door down to take my furniture because I refused to pay the poll tax. You were arrested with me on the cold road outside Faslane weapons of mass destruction base and we were taken off to the cells together. “
McYates makes notes. Then: revelation. George – the man that seduced the populace with his barnstorming performance before the Senate – across the hushed room turns to the Tomster: “I loved you then. I love you now.”
At this the ears of Inspector McYates pricked up. Has George been to Manchester? Has he ever visited any hotels in Aberdeen? But, any possible lines of enquiry were quickly dampened as George went on, “I think you’re a working class hero and I think that is something to be, and I hope the electorate recognises that.”
Ah, thinks McYates, so it’s wholly platonic. Nothing to see here. Move right along, now.
Anyway, later in this meeting George characterised the individuals in Scottish politics. Jack McConnell is a political pygmy – a step down from Henry McLeish. Alex Salmond is head and shoulders “and more” above McConnell (how far? his neck? down to his no doubt hirsute torso? to his navel? his waist?) . However, for George the Tomster stands head and shoulders above Alex Salmond.
McYates is alert: head and shoulders above Salmond, who’s head and shoulders and more above McConnell. McYates shakes his head to expel the image. Perhaps there’s something in this. Police investigations continue.