Uncle Tommy and the scriptwriter

Have you ever found the lives of politicians turning into Latin American soap operas?

The story so far: Our hero, the Tomster, won a famous victory in a defamation action against the evil empire of Rupert Murdoch and the News of the Screws, sans legal team (dismissed after allegations of impropriety against a witness).  The Tomster stepped into the breach and using the rhetorical skills at his disposal as the man that killed the evil witch ((TM) various English newspapers that believe Tommy single-handedly ended the poll tax in Scotland)  the Tomster persuades the jury that  (a) he was not an adulterer; (b) he was not a swinger attending orgies in hotels in Glasgow and Aberdeen (for hotel details see previous posts); and (c) did not quaff champagne while preaching the virtues of a tee-total sun-tanned life.  However, this victory came at a cost.  During the trial many of the Tomster’s colleagues gave evidence against him saying that he was the King Louie of modern politics and had admitted as such at an executive committee meeting.  

KIng of the Swingers – the Govan Bigfoot

King of the swingers II – King Louie

The Tomster called his former colleagues scabs and then took away his ba’ and set up his own party with Rosemary Byrne, the one SSP MSP that did not recall hearing the admission.  This party, Solidartomsc, has the support of the SWP (and others in the alphabet soup of left wing politics).  However, such was the evidence in the case that – at the suggestion of the judge – a perjury investigation was initiated.  The Tomster’s best man (or one of them at any rate) found a video where a hairy handed Tomster-a-like claimed to have visited various swingers clubs, and that Katrine Trolle (the one witness who wasn’t out for political or financial gain)  was a diamond who would deny everything.  The Tomster denied the genuineness of this tape claiming it was an edited created monstrosity developed with the technology used in BBC trailers and concocted by MI5, the CIA, the White Fish AUthority, or someone else out to get him.  Meanwhile, Solidartomsc and the SSP flatline in the polls and PC McYates carries out his investigations.  

Then, revelation, the Tomster has been bugged.  His car and office subject to listening devices – not  (in the view of the Tomster) lodged by MI5 or the CIA.

What can happen next?

Well, today’s Sunday Herald  reveals that the police investigation into the perjury case has made significant progress.  In an innovative step for some reason ignored by the News of the Screws, McYates has interviewed the staff (both old and new – as the adverts narrate) of Cupids, a swingers club in Manchester.  The staff have identified some individuals named in the court case as having attended the club.  These individuals cannot be named for legal reasons (mmm, I wonder who they can be?  If we go back and look at the reports who on earth was named as having visited the club?  were the gentlemen by any chance related?). Progre continues, and once again the strongest position in Solidartomsc looks like being second in the list for Glasgow region in the Scottish ballot.

Quote of the day though is from someone at Cupid’s who said,

“Press and media have done sufficient damage to this club.”

About loveandgarbage

I watch the telly and read when not doing law stuff and plugging my decade and a half old unwatched Edinburgh fringe show.
This entry was posted in ask not for whom the bell tolls tommy, it tolls for theee, tommy sheridan, Uncategorized. Bookmark the permalink.

8 Responses to Uncle Tommy and the scriptwriter

  1. Ha ha ha ha ha. Also, is it me or does the Herald have difficultlyputtingspacesbetweenwords?

    • That’s Scotland’s quality broadhseet you’re talking about. 😉 But, yes. It’s infuriating. The printed version has the merit of occasional spaces – although occasionally erratically placed.

  2. shaz_rte says:

    Great quote! Rather enjoyed this piece from the Scotsman — it reminded me of the scene in Airplane where people lumbered with the bore on the plane try to top themselves in ever more implausible ways!

    • He is quite an orator 😉 – and a class above his colleagues.

      • shaz_rte says:

        I wonder if that’s one of the reasons why he gets so much press coverage (extra-mural activities aside!) Politics seems to lack the old-fashioned orator — this side of the border, would anyone be convinced by Hoodie Dave, Gord or Ming the Merciless? :O)

  3. surliminal says:

    Wonderful. You are wasted on land law:-)

  4. “The alphabet soup of left-wing politics” – brilliant! and yet so true.

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