Found dialogue – Bus stop

– Late again, eh? Christ.  A says, it’s late again son.

– Typical, eh? jist bloody typical.  That’s yir Tories fir yi.  Son, a says that’s yir Tories fir yi.

– Deregulation, son.  A says, deregulation.

– D’yi smoke son?
– Naw?  Well, aye.  Wise enough a spose.  A mean yi widnae.  An right too.  Quite right.  Aye, the givermint dinnae want yi to, now.  A mean, son.  It’s a death sentence.

– D’yi’ve matches, son?

– Naw?  Course.  Aye.  Course no.  Whit, no smokin an aw that.  Well, a’ll pit them away.  Aw right?  Is that aw right son.  A says a’ll pit them away.

– Son.

– Son.  A’m gonna.  Well, if yi dinnae mind.  A’m jist gonna smoke.  Yi see, a smoke cause o the givermint.

– Aye, if yi’xcooz me, son.  a smoke cause o the effin givermint.

– Yi see, a wis in thi last War.  Thi last War.  No thi Gulf or thi Falklands or any o that.  Thi last War an yir effin Tory givermint an Winston effin Churchill.  A’m tellin yi.  He wis a chancer, a right chancer.  An yi see, son.  It wis him.  Him an his effin givermint that made me smoke.

– Aye, packits o the stuff.  They sent rations o fags.  Rations o bloody fags. Packits an packits o fags.  Now, see me.  Me?  A wis jist a bit o a buoy.  Nevir smoked.  A’d nevir smoked.  Not wan.  Nevir had the inclination, yi see.  Bit, whit were yi tae do?  A mean Winston effin Churchill wis sendin me packits an packits o effin fags.

– A had tae.  A had tae, yi see.  Jist tae start smokin.  A mean, then, yi didnae ken whit it did tae yi.  They widnae tell yi.  Aw naw.  They jist – on Churchill’s orders mind you, jist kept sendin pakcits an pakcits o effin fags.  Fir eviry wan wi smoked there were twa tae replace it.  Mair an mair o the bloody things.  We couldnae smoke them quick enough.  Replaced by Churchill soon as lookt at yi.  An that, aye, an that son wis yir Winston effin Churchill an your effin Tory givermint.  If they couldnae kill yi in the War they were gonnae dae it as soon as possibul aifterwurds.

– Buit yi see, son.  Some ae us.  Well, wi wur ta smart fir them, tae smart fir thi basturdz.  Yi see.  Me, a’m immune.
– ?
– Aye, immune fae the fags.  Yi see, if yi huv enough o them in a short enough time, yi soon git immune.

– Are yi waitin fur the twenty six?
– Naw.  No waitin.
– Well,
– Aye, cheers.  Yi’re naw bad son.  Jist talk mair.  Yi see, son, folks like a talker.

About loveandgarbage

I watch the telly and read when not doing law stuff and plugging my decade and a half old unwatched Edinburgh fringe show.
This entry was posted in found dialogue - edinburgh bus stop, Uncategorized. Bookmark the permalink.

4 Responses to Found dialogue – Bus stop

  1. giantweazle says:

    I managed to get an email apology and admission of poor service from Stagecoach last week. I am considering framing it as everyone told me that I had no chance even getting a response from them. Sending all those silly emails paid off, I knew exactly how to pitch the email. My fellow passangers were forced to admit that I am “The Daddy”.
    Great story, and in a bizarre twist, being dyslexic, I found this easier to read. Scotttish – The Dyslexic Friendly Dialect.

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