The above was the helpful headline on Ceefax last night. Intrigued I clicked to discover it was about Lionel, not Tony, and featured a cameo appearance by the odious Friday night project presenter Alan Carr, whose one saving grace is he is not the mysterious fifth Wurzel self-proclaimed “the JLC” Justin Lee-Collins (currenlty advertising Timotei). The misleading headline implied a show had gone badly wrong and he was about to be lynched by an audience hoping that Lionel would fulfil the promises given by Humph in I’m sorry I Haven’t a Clue.
Instead, the story is a heartwarming tale of celebrity rescue – where a man was trying to throw himself off the end of the North pier at Blackpool (I nearly did that when as a twelve year old I was forced to go and see Russ Abbot and Les Dennis in the theatre there). The suicidal individual, fresh from the latest Linda Nolan Blackpool concert, was clinging on by his fingertips and pulled back from the brink by a combination of Blair and Carr. The story quotes Lionel,
“We got his hand and said, ‘Come on, you don’t want to die. You can’t do that. Listen to us’.
“He did a double take, but then said, ‘No I want to go’. So I got one arm and you [turning to Alan Carr] got the other.”
I rather feel that Carr and Blair misunderstood. The poor sod said, “no I want to go” having seen who was rescuing him. He clearly had decided to end it all and this was the final straw – Lionel bloody Blair and Alan “Wayne” Carr pulling his arms off. If he wasn’t sure before that would surely have decided him.