If you are one of the enfranchised few you can choose between:1
David Campbell Bannerman – little known former Prime Minister (1905 – 8) the now elderly and decrepit Campbell Bannerman is a free trade enthusiast. He is a PR man in a suit.
Nigel Farage – self-styled flamboyant character (he sometimes leaves his suit buttons undone) Farage has a high profile having once featured on The Daily Politics, been quizzed by Robert “Hey, have you ever cried on television?” Kilroy Silk in his much-missed talk show. Farage invented the hula hoop (crisp) and passed the lie detector test on an episode of Trisha (the only person in human history to have done so). He is a male commodity broker, in a suit.
David Noakes – former television personality Noakes presented “Go with Noakes”, where he proudly travelled the country with his much-loved dog Shep (whose death was announced by a tearful Noakes during an interiew with either Debbie Thrower or Bill Oddie in the unlamented “Fax”) encouraging people to throw off the shackles of European servitude. After arrest by the roman(o prodi) empire he and his battalions were forced to appear with Peter Purves during TV coverage of Crufts and Junior Kickstart. He is a male computer consultant, in a suit.
Richard Suchorzewski would prove an interesting choice for the party. A Welsh-Polish immigrant he believes he should be sent back to where he came from and has gained much grass roots support in UKIP. After successfully finishing with less than 2 % in the last General Election he believes the only way is up and has asked Yazz and the Plastic Population to provide his campaign song. Backers include Anne Robinson and General Wojciech Jaruzelski. He is a male retailer involved in lobbying and in a suit.
I’m backing a man in a suit to win.
1 – These are on the whole made up facts about these candidates for satirical intent.