Here are my nominations for the Orwell prize for proper blogging about big news type things.
In February it was established (after consideration by a real live court) that dogs were Britain’s leading financial advisers; and there was speculation that a man with a dog and car window would become England’s new football manager. Two long-running stories began: Paul Gambaccini’s reign of terror in the matter of all pop related deaths; and football journalists reminding us how much they knew about the law of corporate insolvency.
In March Engelbert Humperdinck was placed under police protection; an SFA inquiry confirmed that the SFA could not organise an evening of heavy drinking in a brewery and urged that a stable door should be closed after a horse had left earlier in the day; and the main political stories related to jerry-cans and pasties. Newsnight had a pasty special edition – which is hoped will become an annual feature.
Nothing happened in April apart from a penguin standing for the council in Edinburgh. The penguin successfully defeated the Liberal Democrats but failed to be elected.
In June Bletchley park was charged by David Cameron with the task of breaking the ministerial code; I failed in my responsibilities as a parent by failing to leave my children in a pub; and I left Parliament to start up a new social media outlet : Garbagen (Garbagout). I also exclusively revealed Jimmy Carr’s statement responding to embarrassing media stories about him.
In July nothing happened.
In August it was wall to wall Julian Assange stories as the duchy of Grand Fenwick turned down the Ecuadorean ambassador’s request for asylum; and I revealed the existence of the little discussed case of Smith v DPP that could help Assange in his bid to avoid extradition to Sweden. In other news, following the example of one Scottish magazine, I confirmed that George Galloway was not employed as a columnist for Loveandgarbage. Also, after reading the high quality legal analysis of Glenn Greenwald on the Guardian I managed to exclusively publish the Guardian’s handy style guide for those wanting to write about foreign legal systems of which they know little.
In October I faithfully transcribed all news bulletins.
In NOvember there was the tannadicelad incident on twitter the truth of which, like the case of the Giant Rat of Sumatra, cannot yet be revealed.
If I don’t win the Orwell Prize for serious blogging about proper stuff in 2013 I never will.