A phalanx of news reporters can exclusively reveal that the man and woman who last week agreed to decide to do a thing (exclusive story here) have now decided when and where they will do it.
The world of the world was rocked to its very core when the announcement that the man and the woman had reached this decision was revealed to a waiting throng of people going about their day to day business.
Those people that had commented on the news that the man and the woman had agreed to decide to do a thing in news reports last week were promptly despatched to television and radio studios and newsrooms around the world in order to repeat what they said when first asked about the man and the woman agreeing to decide to do the thing almost a few days ago.
It has been confirmed that the one friend of the woman to have avoided speaking to the media last week has been tracked down by marksmen with a dart gun containing a sleeping draft and he will be kidnapped and held in a studio until he forces from his unfeasibly small twisted mouth an anecdote about how ordinary the woman and the man are possibly involving a takeaway meal acquired at a normal takeaway emporium used by ordinary people or a story about watching a reality or talent show on commercial television.
In order to reflect accurately the mood of austerity caressing the nation like a well-fitted shroud the government has announced that the day on which the man and the woman will do the thing will be a public holiday (but clearly one which will have no adverse impact on the national economy, not like the others their supporters and businesses have complained about, oh no) in order to allow people that are not the man and the woman to join in what will be reported as events of enforced jollity and levity as people gather together in groups of two, three or possibly four to greet the man and the woman doing the thing. The government has confirmed that people will be dissuaded from doing other things – like burning toast or repeatedly banging one’s head over and over and over and over again against any remote control in the vicinity in what will almost certainly prove a vain attempt to find a channel that will not show the thing happening).
A spokesman for the man and the woman has said, “We do hope that someone really famous doesn’t die in the week before the day they plan to to do the thing. That would be awful. And would play havoc with the arrangements for guests. Some of them might not come. In terms of priority they probably rank below a number of world leaders, Simon Cowell, that bloke from those films – you know, him that was in that thing with that woman, some rappers, and a surviving Beatle, but they definitely rank higher than that H from Steps.”