In the past few months we have seen:
the one on BBC1 with Graham Norton, the american trying to be George Burns, Dave Spikey, and Max Clifford which featured a man who climbed into a balloon, a dancing dog (readying the people of earth for the Underdog Show) and Red Hot Chilli Pipers – pipers doing rock anthems on the pipes;
Let me entertain you with Brian Conley where contestants have to perform for three minutes without half the audience voting them off – a regular diet of cute children, naive old age pensioners, and Brian Conley makes this a must miss in the BBC2 schedules. Now in its second series. Top Telly moments include the pearly king and queen voted off after seconds while going on about their good work for charity.;
Britain’s got talent on ITV1 with Simon Cowell, Anton Deco (the popular football international schizophrenically divided into imax head and the other one in a compulsory piece of ITV presenting), Amanda Hugenkiss, ex-wife of Les “If it’s there I’ll give you the money myself” Dennis and star of Wild at Heart, and Pierce Morgan (an instruction rather than a name) the smug former showbiz editor of The Sun and ex-editor of the News of the Screws and Mirror, whose bid to have another “best-selling” diary sees him hawking himself around any old street corner attempting to get a quick 2 minutes on the telly. In this the prize is a place at the Royal Variety show. Introduced by Anton Deco as, “There’s nothing else like this on television” (which is blatantly untrue – see above). Highlights include a monkey puppet miming to Michael Jackson, a car-phone warehouse salesman singing Nessun Dorma and bringing tears to the eyes of Amanda, and some street kids dancing. Bet the QUeen’s looking forward to the Royal Variety this year;
How do you solve a problem like coming up with a talent show based on musicals when Baron Greenback is on the other side on ITV1 – presented by Zoe Ball and starring the sister of some Irish boyband star relying on the block vote to ensure she has her dream of playing “Sandy” (presumably DOgtanian’s horse) on the West End stage opposite some leather jacketed bloke (who’s playing Dogtanian);
How do you solve a problem like Graham Norton (series 2) where Baron Greenback presides with Bill Everton (no relation of the more famous Clive), Denise offoff the Big Breakfast, Captain Jack making his obligatory weekly television appearance for the past few months, and a singing teacher. Won by a curly haired chap, who looked like a moody midfield galactico in the Spanish football League prone to cheap bookings in Champions League games, against the living emodiment of the unhealthiness of Scotland.
British television: the best in the world.
Meanwhile in a land far far away, The Sopranos finishes…