Are you ambitious? Would you like to manage at the top level of British football (without any money to fund you ambitions)? Would you like to travel Europe before Christmas every year for three or four weeks? After Christmas generally you can keep your passport at home. Have you ever been to Inverness? or Aberdeen? or Paisley? or Falkirk? or (from next year) Gretna? No. Would you like to go? Some of these places even have 3 star hotels and AA recommended bed and breakfasts.
Have you experience of handling prima donnas that miss their Irn Bru when away from home for too long? Would you like to appear regularly in the Daily Record?
Are you a left-footer? Do you know any traditional folk songs? Do you believe in God? If so, which one?
If you can answer these questions correctly my anonymous client, Sir D would like to hear from you. All applications welcome unless you’re French, or German, or used to play for Aberdeen.
There are 3 star hotels and AA recommended bed and breakfasts in Paisley?
Anyway, tell Sir D. that COLIN TODD is the perfect man for the post. We want shut of that clown, and we want it now. Besides, it’ll give him a chance of European football, albeit losing in the preliminary round of the UEFA Cup against the sort of outfit that David Coleman used to describe as “the crack Faroese secret police team” back when he was a player and Euro footy was a big deal and used to get shown on Sportsnight.
The Glynhill Hotel, just outside Paisley is 3 star and annually hosts the pigeon fanciers’ function of choice – the Scottish National Flying Club annual dinner and dance. Entertainment (a poor man’s MacDonald Brothers) is provided. AT one SNFC dinner I heard a man sing (shout) “If I said you had a beautiful body would you hold it against me” while carressing the mic in a particularly salacious way, having introduced his extraordinary rendition as a slow foxtrot.
The job’s in the bag. I think I am going to adopt a “I could be just like Souness” strategy for my application. I think the fact that I have never lost a match as a manager will help considerably.
What do you mean by just like Souness? Are you going to plant a Rangers flag at Celtic Park in the first Old Firm game you manage
Give me a shout if you need an assistant. I’ve never lost a game as manager either (and had huge success at Subbuteo as a lad in the league comprising me, and my mates David and Duncan).
Yep those were the fine Souness attributes that I am aiming to replicate. Will grow moustache and get perm.
If I promise to arrange for John Barnes to be reinstated at Celtic then the job should be a doddle.