ITV1 response to The Verdict
String him up (forthcoming, 2007)
To demystify the jury process ITV1 have bought the rights to the forthcoming trial of Chris Langham and any subsequent UK based action against Paul Gadd. The trial will be in front of a jury comprising a number of celebrities including Lynsey de Paul, Una Stubbs, Rebekah Wade, Jim Bowen, Roy Betts, Patrick Macnee, Pete Townshend, Kelly Osbourne, and others. In the chair Judge James Pickles. Given the lack of charismatic lawyers the barristers will be played by that bloke that was Don Beech in The Bill, and Patricia Hodge. Their questions will be prepared in advance.
Continuous trial coverage will be broadcast on ITVPlay where viewers are encouraged to text in answers to questions arising during the trial left blank in a hangman type format.
Depending on the verdict the News of the World have agreed to sponsor an ITV2 show Burn his House to be presented by Justin Lee Collins at the head of a rampaging mob carrying flaming torches and pitchforks.
Surely the might of ITV and the News Of The World could convince the authorities that in the interest of entertainment that public hangings be brought back for these types of trials. Both the defendant and the victim could spend the entire show with a noose around their necks, when the verdict is delivered one of the trap doors opens and someone gets killed, without Noel Edmonds being anywhere in sight.
Brilliant.
Or strapped to an electric chair with a text vote during the programme to free or fry?
( (C) The day today)
They could get around the law by borrowing one of those CIA torture planes.
“They could get around the law by borrowing one of those CIA torture planes.”
Flown by John Travolta.
Or they could use a helicopter flown by Mike Smith